WHEN NOT TO LISTEN TO MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS

6/27/06 WHEN NOT TO LISTEN TO MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS

Due to several consecutive rain-outs, our church league softball team was forced to play back to back to back to back make-up games this past Saturday in 85 degree heat with no breaks. We'd just lost the third game by a heart-breaking 22-21 tally, and were emotionally and physically exhausted. We clearly didn't want to be there, and the other team opened up a commanding 16-0 lead. Now, I had just recently finished reading Stephen Mansfield's book on one of history's greatest motivators, Winston Churchill, with the "Never, never, never, never give up!" quotation still ringing in my ears. That's great for defending your homeland and all, but as it turns out, not so great for recreational softball. I hit the ball into the outfield, and, rounding first, I saw that I had a chance to stretch a single into a double. As I slid into second, my first thought was "Safe!" My second thought was "#&#^@$#*@*(!!!!." The second baseman had missed the relay throw from the outfield and it hit me at high speed directly on the corner of my jaw. After two doctors visits and multiple x-rays, I found I had two fractures and had to get my jaw wired together yesterday.

It has been suggested that I try to use this wired-shut jaw thing to gain sympathy from clients. But if you think about it, I only have to deal with this dilemma for three weeks, whereas the Dallas Maverick fans in our office, Shawn and David, have to deal with their problems for an entire off-season. So far, I think the sympathy ploy is working for them.

DAVID (sobbing): I really thought Dirk and the Mavs had it this year. (sniffle) I really did.

CLIENT: Oh, you poor boy. Let me book a speaker from you. And I'll FedEx over some hot cocoa, too.

I think the biggest thing I'll miss for these three weeks will be my favorite game with my 10 month old daughter. I'll go to the other side of the living room, lie on the floor, and play dead. She'll crawl across the floor as fast as she can and then pounce on my head with a belly flop. Hopefully she won't have grown out of that by the time she's 11 months old.

One big plus is that with an all liquid diet, I'll probably lose some weight. I'm saying the over-under is 7 pounds, but my wife is thinking 17. 17 pounds in 21 days? She also thinks I'll get my 6-pack back, which has not been seen since the Cincinnati Reds last made the playoffs. The 6-pack still exists, mind you, its just been cleverly hidden behind a thick layer of Chick-fil-a waffle fries, sweet tea, and Sonic breakfast burritos.

I'll be back in tomorrow, but if you call me between now and July 17, forgive me for mumbling!