BITING BAD HABITS

4/20/06 BITING BAD HABITS

Can you remember when you picked up a bad habit? I can't tell you when I started slouching at my computer or leaving my socks out, but I can tell you exactly when I started another bad habit. It was a dark and stormy night...(thank you Snoopy)...and my friend Jacob Lyle and I were as bored as we could be at the Maplecrest Middle School Science Fair. My project, entitled "Why Is The Grass Green?" (my conclusion? 'Because its prettier that way.'), had shockingly not garnered the top prize. I'm sure Jacob had tried some tired-out volcano or something. Anyway, as the awards weren't coming our way, we decided to resort to the time honored tradition that comes so naturally to gifted orators- heckling. But as there were so many grown-ups around, we were forced to quietly resort to heckling each other. This began with insulting the other's goofy looks, escalating to pointing out each other's mother's stupitity, and culminating in the most vicious thing one Indiana boy can use to insult the other- his basketball abilities. Jacob, completely stumped by my rapier wit, seemed dumbfounded. But then, with one last effort at a comeback, Jacob bit off his finger nail and spit it at me. Now, according to adolescent English common law, if someone spits at you, you're allowed to hit him in the face. But what do you do if someone just spits a finger nail at you? All I could figure out how to do was to spit a finger nail back. And thus my nail biting habit began.

I was encouraged to write this blog by fellow agent David Loy, but I can't really figure out a good 'now the moral of the story is...' line to end with. Don't retaliate? Come up with a better science project? Don't hang out with Jacob Lyle? (He's now a consultant. I wonder if he spits his nails at his clients when they frustrate him.) Or, just don't listen to David Loy. If any one reading this comes up with a good idea, please email it to me at brian@premierespeakers.com. Thanks!